I know it seems like I'm skipping a long period of time between where my last blog ended and where this blog begins. I'm skipping about two years. I'll give you the cliff note version of those two years for a few reasons. First, today is the 10 year anniversary since Perry and I remarried! We remarried on 11-11-11 at 11:00. I decided I needed to blog about our happily ever after (hm hmmm [throat clearing]) on our actual anniversary. Secondly, I only dated two other men in those two years. Third, I learned some very hard lessons about betrayal in the years of 2009 - 2010. I definitely don't want to dwell on them and waste any emotional or mental energy. Finally, in all honesty, Perry and I never really quit seeing each other. We remained attached physically and emotionally. We only divorced on paper.
The first person I started "dating", or at least spending any time with, after CC and I called it quits, was Perry. We separated and filed for divorce in 2008. That was a really, really bad year for us all. Our divorce was final in March of 2009. By fall of 2009, Perry and I were back to being civil with each other again. Sometimes even playful. I kept the house in the divorce. I can say many things Perry and I both did wrong as spouses and parents, but Perry ALWAYS (even in 2008) maintained the house and yard for me.
We were both fans of the game show Deal or No Deal. After we separated, Perry and I would play our own version of Deal or No Deal. It usually involved something sexual. For example, Perry would put chemicals in the pool and hot tub for a boob picture. I really never considered it wrong. We had been together and been intimate more times than I could count. I mean, it was Perry. I had loved him since I was 12. Perry and I wouldn't really go out per se. He would come over. We would grab something to eat. We would watch movies together. We had been together for so long; we just did what we always would do on our nights together at home. It felt normal and right until.....
Enter so called friend turned backstabbing bitch. For short, I'll refer to her as BB. I knew BB from around town. Gardendale is a small town where everyone knows everyone. They also know everything about you, and if they don't - they'll make it up. BB is older than I am, but we went to the same gym classes and saw each other frequently at the ballpark. I remembered her younger sister from high school. She had a long term boyfriend whose son played ball with my youngest son, Josh. I thought we were good friends. We exchanged text and talked. We made plans to go to the same gym classes. I confided in her and trusted her. Silly me!
I had recently returned home from a 40th birthday beach trip with my friend Susan. Perry and I are 29 days apart with my birthday being in April; his in May. His birthday was on a Friday in 2010. He asked if he could stop by before he went to work. I said sure. He wanted to "see my tan lines".
While I was waiting on him to come by, I talked with BB. I must've said something to the effect of Perry coming by the house. I don't remember how the exact conversation played out. I do remember her asking me if I was ever suspicious of what Perry did whenever he wasn't with me or at work. I had never given it any thought. I'm the extrovert and flirt. Perry is the emotionless, leave me alone, introvert. Usually we talked about our plans. He would tell me where he was going. His said location wasn't somewhere I would normally worry about. The boys often went with him. BB continued saying she would check his phone records, email, and start looking through his car.
Perry arrived, and for the first time, I had an uneasy feeling. I began to feel I didn't know the whole story about his free time, even though there wasn't much free time with his work schedule.
It was the night of his 40th birthday when he came by the house. He was being a typical man. It had been over a week since I had seen him. I was irritated from the thoughts BB put in my head. I didn't show him my tan lines. I went to bed in a bad mood.
The following morning, I still couldn't shake the feeling BB knew something I didn't. Perry and I had separate phone accounts since we were divorced now. I didn't have his passwords to his cell phone information. I did know his email information so I started there. At first, I didn't see anything alarming. I saw a strange email address but kept scrolling. On the next page, I saw the same strange email address. It was simply a picture of a car Perry had bought to drive back and forth to work. I wasn't worried about this, but I thought it was bizarre to say the least. I then went back to the first email with the same email address and opened it. The beginning read, "I can't believe you're seeing your diseased nasty whore of an ex wife again. You told me you loved me. You told me we would be a family."
When I mentioned borderline personality disorder (BPD) rage previously, THIS was a trigger for a BPD rage. I was completely and totally OUT OF CONTROL! For two years, I had been beating myself up for having an affair and ending my marriage. My family hated me. Perry's family hated me. My kids knew it was my fault. EVERYONE knew I had messed up the best thing I ever had. Perry had played the victim well. So much for us getting back together! Had this been a random girl, I wouldn't have been able to say anything. However, this wasn't a random girl. She wasn't someone I would've called a friend. However, she was definitely an acquaintance. Some might even say a close friend of his family.
I immediately called Perry who was at baseball practice with Josh. I asked him who he was having relations with, although my tone, language and wording was quite different. He denied anyone. I told him to come to the house. On his way to the house, I called Perry again and once again asked if he wanted to confess. He still denied everything. He told me I was acting crazy. He had no idea he hadn't even seen crazy yet! Once he arrived at the house, I met him at the door. I asked for the third time if he had anything to tell me. He continued to deny it. That was the instant my medication lost it's effectiveness!
While I was waiting for Perry to arrive, I had gotten a knife and placed it on a chair by the front door. After Perry denied it for the third time looking at me straight in my eyes, I slapped him and reached for the knife. Obviously he had quick reaction skills that day or I would be in jail for attempted murder. The knife ended up in our couch across the room. I was crawling on him like a spider monkey scratching, kicking, and hitting all while yelling quotes from the email. I was D E V A S T A T E D ! I wasn't sure what was more devastating:
To know Peebs had told someone else he loved them.
To know everyone else, including my boys, knew about her.
To be lied to once again.
To have a reputation as such a slut and horrible person when he was doing the same damn thing!
To be called diseased and nasty!
Some may argue the timeline and say we were separated so he didn't technically cheat. Don't have that argument with me. She was married. He did it in front of our boys. Affairs are affairs whether only one person is married, or both are married. He was doing to her husband what CC did to him. Also, our divorce was not final. I'm not being hypocritical. I've been very open and honest about my infidelity. My point is don't judge me while you're doing the exact same thing.
And WTF? I'm not diseased or nasty!!!! I know she had multiple affairs in addition to the one with Perry. Who is she to call me diseased and nasty? I'll refer to her as Dan for diseased and nasty. I'm sure she's not. I made Perry go get tested before we got back together for multiple reasons (or people). I'm just having a hard time coming up with a name for her. I can't figure out a short way to say someone who lives in a glass house, but should live in a mirrored house instead.
Once Perry was able to escape from my deranged and unstable self, he left. I immediately called Dan's husband's last known place of employment. I asked if he was still employed at that location. The lady I spoke with told me she was unable to provide me with an answer due to privacy. I told her if he did still work there, to please pass a message on to him. I wanted him to know Dan and Perry had been seeing each other. Once again, I think my vocabulary choice might have been somewhat different. If I recall correctly, my wording might have been similar to ducking.
A few minutes later, I received a call from Dan's husband. He told me he knew she was "at it again", but couldn't figure out who with. He thanked me and we ended the call. I've often wondered if I would've lashed out at her so much if she wouldn't have said so many ugly and hurtful things about me. Perry was the one I was mad at for lying to me and sleeping with both of us. I later sent an apology to Dan via someone close to her in Perry's family. Nothing was returned. I was told not to expect an apology from her, that’s just not her.
After I spoke to Dan's husband and brightened his day, I called Josh's baseball coach. Perry had asked him if Josh could hang with them for the afternoon. We had gone to high school with Josh's coach and knew him well. Josh was also friends with his son. When I phoned Josh's coach, I asked if Josh could stay a little longer. Coach told me he didn't have Josh. He told me Perry's mom had picked him up from practice. And so the rage continues!
I jump in my car and drive over to Perry's moms house. I am met at the door by her husband. He tells me I am not allowed in the house. He also tells me, I am not allowed to get my son. Jesus take the wheel! This man didn't curse at all and here I am inventing curse words. He has his hands on my arms and is pushing me off the porch. I'm 5'7 against his 6'6.
The police arrive. I'm told Josh is the one who called 911 because of all the screaming. I tell the officer they have my child and won't let me get him. They officer asked if I have custody. I answer yes, joint custody with myself as primary. He wants to see my papers. I'm already at my breaking point and this clown is asking for my divorce papers? Here sir, let me just pull them out of my ass!
I explained I did not carry my divorce papers in my car, because this is wasn't typical for me. Obviously he had me mistaken for some white trash girl. I explain to him Perry's mother picked Josh up from practice without permission and brought him there because Perry and I were having an argument. I didn't tell him I was in full lunatic mode, but no reason to state the obvious. In full disclosure, I was yelling and cursing.
The dumbass cop (DA) tells me to stay there. He wants to get the story from the grandparents. Of course, Perry's mom is no where to be seen. Her husband is on the porch. He begins to say things about me. DA tells me to be quiet. I am quiet for maybe a second until I hear the husband say, she doesn't care about these boys. You should see the pictures of her galavanting at the beach. Now. I'm not quoting him because I don't know if that was his exact words, but those are pretty close. I know he accused me of not caring for my boys. I know he said I had been galavanting. I can quote my next line because I have read it multiple times in the police report after I was arrested. I responded by saying, "Shut the fuck up you redneck motherfucker". Of ALL the things I've done in my life, never did I think THIS would be the one to land me in jail. Initially, DA told me I was being arrested for disorderly conduct. As I was being put in the police car, Perry arrived. He actually asked them to not arrest me. He told them he would take me home. DA said no, but did allow him to take my car so it wouldn't be impounded. Once I was at the jail, DA came in and while smiling, sarcastically told me my day had just gotten better. He told me my in laws wanted to press verbal domestic violence charges against me. I would be spending a minimum of 12 hours in jail that night. He was a dumbass and a smart ass. I was at least thankful he didn't know I had pulled a knife on Perry earlier that same day. Barney Fife would've sent me to Guantanamo.
I made a few other calls before going to Perry's mom's house, but I was in such a rage, I don't remember them. I am told I called my niece whom I was very close to at the time. I told her I loved her. I also told her I was going to kill myself. This gives you an idea of my mental state at this time. The next morning, ironically Mother's day, I was bailed out of jail by my neighbor. I received a call from Dr. P, my psychiatrist. He fired me. Dr. P did all of his own therapy and took his own call. Most psychiatrist only do medications and refer you to a counselor and rotate call. Dr. P told me he had received over 20 calls the night before from my family about my behavior and my arrest. He wished me the best. He told me to keep him updated. He explained he had two small children and a wife. He couldn't have his life disrupted constantly because of my chaos. I completely understood. He told me not to worry about paying my balance. He would write it off. He said he knew I had enough on my plate and I would now have legal fees. I told him if I ever came into a large sum of money, I would remember him. I've talked to him a few times. He is on my list of top 10 guys in this world.
My arrest snowballed. I had to report it to the board of nursing. I had to hire an attorney, go to court, pay legal fees. I didn't even know verbal domestic violence existed. I definitely didn't need a felony on my record. I ended up pleading guilty to disorderly conduct. I paid a fine, court costs, attorney fees, etc. It all added up to around $5,000. There's still a restraining order against me. Legally, I'm not allowed at Perry's moms house.
Being arrested continues to bring mixed emotions for me. Any job application I completed after 2010, I had to write yes when asked if I had ever been arrested. My arrest started a civil war between myself and Perry's family with Perry and my boys in the middle. There were some dreadful things done by myself and others to each other. It became a war of revenge that didn't end until many years later.
At times I laugh about the reason I was arrested. Seriously? I went to jail for cursing. That can only happen to me! At times, I'm thankful for the experience because I know, without a doubt, I would've carried out my suicide threat that night. I'm also thankful because in hindsight, I wasn't in the right mental state to have my child. However, where he was should've been a decision made by his parents.
Thankfully, that was 11 years ago. Healing takes time. I have a good relationship with most of his family. I can say I honestly love them.
Perry's stepfather recently passed away with cancer. We went to see him prior to his passing. We were both welcomed into his house and had been for several years. It broke my heart to see him suffer. We butted heads, no doubt. I like to think in the end we were passed it all. We had come to an understanding and had a mutual respect for each other.
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