I wasn't going to blog about this today but shit happens. I felt better today. I wasn't in as big of a funk as I was yesterday. I slept decent, only woke up once during the night which is very unusual for me. I usually wake up feeling overwhelmed about something. The other reason I usually wake up is because Perry has worked nights for the last 11 years but recently went to day shift. I haven't adjusted to him being in bed with me every night and his "kara-tay" (for all my Friends fans) he does in his sleep. I also let my 2 very spoiled dogs sleep with me and occasionally one if not both cats will jump on the bed as well.
On most Saturdays, I have a routine. I meet two family members for either breakfast or lunch (mostly depending on the Alabama sports schedule). I was excited to see these two family members because I truly adore both of them. One makes my heart smile with their innocence. The other has treated me like their own child. Now, I feel very strange not saying he or she. I am not trying to be politically correct. I understand some people want to be a they or a them and I respect that. However, to me if I am talking about you, I am going to say he / she / or your name (or whatever nickname I give you). To be clear, while we're talking about gender fluidity, I am a mother. I am NOT a birthing unit! In my opinion, that sounds disrespectful. It sounds like the female version of sperm donor. Also, while I'm clarifying things, we work around the Alabama sports schedule for my family members, not for me. WDE always for me and my family!
Before I started writing this blog, I asked Peebs and my oldest son, Sam, if it would bother them in any way if I told our story and about my struggles with mental illness. I would have asked my youngest son Josh if I knew where he was or how to get in touch with him. That will definately be another blog or few blogs. Anyway, today while getting dressed for lunch, I was thinking about a friend, BCH, that passed away 11 months ago. BCH changed my life so much for the better. She will also be another blog. Thinking about her is sad because I miss her so much, but I find myself smiling because she brought so much happiness and insight to my life. She was human sunshine. While thinking of her, I decided what I wanted to blog about today. I was feeling grateful for all of the positive comments, new subscribers, and messages I had received about my blog.
Please understand me when I tell you, I am not doing his for sympathy. I am not doing this for attention. I am not fishing for compliments. I am not doing this to make anyone look bad, but sometimes the truth is ugly. I am doing this to make myself hopefully completely heal and help others. Do I realize most people would never be crazy and / or stupid enough to tell about all their skeletons in the closet? Yes, however, we all have them and some people even have full cemeteries in their closets. Do I know people are going to talk about me because of this? Absolutely! The truth is people are already talking. Maybe now, they'll get it right. Perry and Sam were both good with me doing this blog because they said it has made us all who we are now.
Today at lunch, I asked one of the family members if they could be mentioned in my blog. The answer was, "I would rather you not." I then was looked at with a very strange look and asked in a voice I've rarely heard from this person, "Why are you doing this?" I was a little confused but today we had a guest in addition to the other family member so I wasn't going to ask any additional questions. We just quietly said we would talk about it later. Lunch was good. I finally got my mani / pedi. Ran a few errands and made it home. Perry was at work as always. The running joke around here is he is married to the mine and I'm his mistress. Anyway, after I got home and handled a few things here, I received a call from the family member that didn't want to be mentioned by name. I was asked the question did I want to know why they didn't want to be mentioned and why they thought my blog was a mistake. I said sure but I was going to write it anyway. I was told it was because it would make the family look bad and be hurtful. Hence the title of the blog - Don't hide your crazy. In the opinion of said person, we all have to love each other and go forward. I am in agreement with not living in the past. I can honestly say I have forgiven everyone that has hurt me. I have asked for forgiveness from all of those that I am aware I hurt. The part I disagree with is putting a bandaid over an unhealed traumatic wound or acting like if you ignore it, it doesn't exist.
This picture of my dog Rocco is a perfect example. When it rains, he refuses to get his paws wet. I'll take him outside and occasionally he'll hike his leg on one of the post that helps support the covered patio. If it really storming, he will sneak upstairs and potty. I usually know when he's doing it because that's the only time he's not up my ass. When I find it, he will crouch down and walk slowly away. If I make him sit by it and fuss and him, he will turn his head and not acknowledge it. In his mind, if he doesn't look at it, it's not there and doesn't exist.
This is what I want to stop about mental illness! It is here and it's not going away! One in five Americans will suffer from some form of mental illness. Instead of making us feel ashamed or like we shouldn't talk about it, be more caring and embrace us like we you do with every other disease. I have so many people confide in me about their struggles but they always tell me to not tell anyone else. Some I had no idea they were fighting those battles. Others are obvious. I would never share their business but it's time they shouldn't be ashamed to share or talk freely about it.
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