In my last blog, I discussed grief vs. depression. We were going through the death of Perry's best friend, Mike. We were both grieving the loss of Mike. Perry was dealing with feelings of guilt. I was dealing with worry because I had never seen Perry so emotional. Plus, I was still having some pain from a possible ruptured ovarian cyst that was coming and going after passing out at work several days before. I had planned on going to my OB / GYN for follow up on Monday, August 12, 1996, but Mike's accident happened and going to the dr. was the last thing on my mind.
The next morning, Tuesday the 13th, Perry and I decided we needed to go ahead and go to the dr. We wanted to find out why I was still having pain. We knew Mike's arrangements would be later in the week and we needed to be free to attend. Perry also knew he would need to be available for additional meetings that would be held later in the week at work.
I met with my OB/GYN for an examination. She told me she didn't feel anything abnormal. Her thought process was possibly my uterine lining was thickened since I hadn't had a menstrual cycle since I had stopped taking birth control several months before. She wanted to give me an injection to induce a menstrual cycle and see if that would help with the pain. We agreed and waited for the nurse to come in and give me the injection. Before the nurse came in, the lab technician came in my room with a specimen cup. She told me I needed to provide a urine sample for a pregnancy test. I argued with her and told her there was absolutely, without a doubt, no way I was pregnant. I explained to her five days prior I had a negative serum pregnancy test in the ER. Between my pain and Mike's accident, I had not had any exposure to any baby serum in the last five days either. I was getting irritated about giving the sample when Perry told me just to do it so we could go home.
The next time the door opened at the dr office, I expected to see the nurse. Instead, I saw my dr. again with a huge smile on her face. I looked at her confused. She continued to smile while she told us our "ovarian cyst" would arrive in April. We were both shocked! My emotions were everywhere. I was so happy I had gotten pregnant again. I was still scared God was going to punish me in some way for the abortion I had when I was 19 years old. I had guilt for feeling happy when I had witnessed the pain Mike's family and Perry were going through after his accident. I was still sad about the loss of Mike. My emotions were bouncing around like a small round rubber bouncy ball.
The one thing Perry said after we were told I was pregnant again, was he wanted to name the baby Michael. He said he felt like Michael would always be this baby's guardian Angel. I pray daily he is correct. Anyone who knows our struggles with Josh will understand.
Perry didn't want the baby's 1st name to be Michael. He thought it might be too painful of a reminder. We started trying to think of 1st names to go with Michael whether the baby was a girl or a boy. I felt much better through this pregnancy. I didn't gain as much weight or have as much morning sickness.
The hardest part of this pregnancy was agreeing with Perry on a name. We both knew it needed to be a short 1st name because we have such a long last name. I wanted both boys to have "S" names because I'm just goofy. I liked Seth but Perry didn't like Seth with a middle name of Michael. He asked me about Shawn. I really liked it! I was all prepared to have my 2nd son named Shawn Michael until .....
Imagine this, you're somewhat close to your due date. You have one child named Samuel. You call him buddy, Sam, Sambo, or Samantha (when he's acting dramatic). You're planning on naming your next son Shawn Michael when you walk through the living room as your husband and Sambo are sitting in the recliner watching wrestling. You just happen to hear the next wrestling match would be Shawn Michaels. I stopped dead in my tracks and gave Perry the death glare! Was he really suggesting I name our child after a professional wrestler???? He said it was different because Michaels was his last name. Come to find out, the wrestlers real name was Michael Shawn Hickenbottom. Either way, my baby was not going to be named after a wrestler! We decided on Joshua. Samuel was a biblical name so we stayed with biblical names.
Joshua Michael Scarborough was born April 22, 1997. He made his entrance in an unforgettable way scaring us and hasn't stopped scaring us to this day. I was induced with both boys. Josh's heart rate was dropping and they were going to do a C-section. The nurse came back in and said there were no rooms available for a C-section. My OB Dr. (which I adore), used what they called a mighty vac and basically suctioned him out. He wasn't breathing so they immediately took him to intensive care. We don't have any immediate pictures with him because he was so sick. I heard his initial Apgar score of 4 and panicked. I was scared. I didn't like being a patient.
Thankfully he decided he would start behaving (for the moment). Later that night, BB and MiMi brought Sam to the hospital to meet Josh. He named him "da boof". He wasn't sure about him though. The first week I was home, Josh was in his pumpkin seat asleep. I decided to take a shower while Josh was sleeping and Sam was watching The Magic School Bus. Halfway through my shower, I hear Sam talking. I look out and Sam has Josh by the head dragging him into the bathroom. He is telling me, "Boof go back". Sam occasionally still reminds me, he tried to get me to return him. Thankfully we didn't have too many more experiences where Josh was drug through the house by his head until they were teenagers.
We were a perfect family of four, or at least we were trying to be a perfect family of four. I was stressed to the max! Perry was working nights at O'Neal steel. I was planning on trying to stay home for a while. My sister met Mr. O'Neal while working at O'Neal steel. They were now married. She was able to financially help us by paying off our credit cards. Sadly, after four months with both boys at home, I was begging to go back to work. Josh would wake up crying, which would wake Sam up. Sam would then cry. Both of them crying would make me cry. I would call Perry at work and we would all be crying.
I never had prenatal depression but I have seen it. I actually was very jolly according to Perry with both pregnancies. Some of the symptoms of depression during pregnancy can appear similar to normal pregnancy symptoms such as changes in sleep, changes in appetite, changes in libido, mood liability, brain fog, and anxiety. Depression in pregnancy can be treated with medication and other treatments such as light therapy, support groups, and counseling. The important thing is to get help if you need help!
Comments