When I left off the last blog, I was recovering from a series of unfortunate events. After an accident at work in December, 2012, I had a blood clot in my right leg, which turned into bilateral pulmonary emboli. I had been re-admitted in March for evaluation of continued shortness of breath. During a cardiac work-up, I was found to have a heart defect (bicuspid aortic valve), which would later require open heart surgery. During the heart cath for the cardiac work up, I experienced a complication of a retroperitoneal hematoma. This required emergency surgery and multiple blood transfusions. I had started physical therapy to try to regain my strength and work on increasing my lung capacity. The plan was for me to do 12 weeks of PT and then return to work.
I had become so frustrated through all of this. I had been so active prior to the injury. If I didn't have any appointments scheduled, I stayed in bed, in an ambien induced coma. I hated feeling so poorly. Perry and I could not agree on anything. Neither of us had completely forgiven each other for the way we had behaved before and during the divorce. I really wanted these first several months of being remarried to be our happily after after, but it was anything but happy. My depression was horrible, but even I didn't realize how badly it really was affecting me.
By the end of May, I was feeling somewhat better physically. I could at least walk across a room and not feel like I was going to die. Sam was 17 now. It was time for him to start touring different colleges. He wanted to tour both The University of Alabama and Auburn University. We toured Alabama first. I struggled walking, but made it. We waited several weeks before we did the Auburn tour so I could recover. Nat, my best friend's daughter, also went to AU to tour the school with us.
The day we toured Auburn, school was already out for summer break. I remember leaving Josh at home while Perry was sleeping. Perry was working night shift in the mines at this time. Josh's behavior had been particularly strange since we had remarried. He had become very withdrawn. He was very disinterested in everything. I told Perry several times I thought Josh was on drugs. Perry told me I was crazy. He told me I had no idea what it was like to be a teenage boy at that age. This was actually causing a good bit of conflict between Perry and I, as if we didn't have enough conflict already.
After finishing our tour of AU, as we were approaching home, Josh called Sam. Josh asked what our ETA would be. Sam told him we would be arriving shortly. Minutes later, when we all walked into the house, the air was so thick with Axe body spray, I started gagging. I asked Josh what was going on. His excuse was, "I farted". Now this was a huge red flag! This was the child that would roll the windows up when he would pass gas. He was also the child who had to be reminded to do daily hygiene. I knew then, he had been smoking something. I asked him if he would pass a drug test. He looked at me straight in the eye. He proceeded to tell me it depended on what drugs I tested him for. I was pissed!
I woke Perry up. I don't recall the exact words I said, but I'm sure they weren't cordigal and were of the 'I told you so' variety. I do remember Perry's exact words. He said, "I would do drugs too, if I had you for a mother". Those are words you can forgive, but not forget. We all had a family meeting. We discovered Josh had been doing more than smoking pot and cigarettes. He turned 15 in April (the month before), he was caught. He admitted to us he had been doing drugs since he was at least 13. This was the time frame in which we separated. I was mortified. I had taken care of so many children in the ED with drug related issues. Never did I think my child would be on drugs. He confessed to buying adderall at school daily. He acknowledged smoking marijuana daily, and using codeine cough syrup on his rolling papers. He also admitted to tobacco and alcohol use.
Now, I know in today's society of meth and heroin, adderall and pot doesn't sound like it would be reason to panic. Well, I did! He was my baby. He was my Joshy Mike. He was my huge hearted, blue eyed, blonde curly haired, sweet boy; or at least he had been. Worst of all, it had been going on since he was 13! I think I was still watching cartoons at 13!
Everyone was mad at everyone. Sam was mad at Josh for doing drugs. Sam told Josh he was messing up his shot at being president. Ironically, I didn't know Sam was smoking pot as well. Sam recently told me because he thought after 10 years, the statute of limitations has passed. I was mad at Perry for not listening to me, and for his hateful comment. Perry was mad at me for being a smart-mouthed-know-it-all. Both of us were mad at Josh for putting us in this situation. My mom was mad at me because she thought it was my fault due to the infidelity and divorce. It was a DISASTER!
The following morning, I took Josh to Bradford for an evaluation. The counselor there recommended intensive outpatient treatment. He would go to sessions four days/ week for four hours / day. My mom and I talked. She wanted Josh to come stay with her. I wouldn't let that happen. I knew if Josh went to her house, he would be spoiled. I didn't think he should be getting special attention and be getting spoiled given the circumstances. Both my mom and Josh were mad at me for this decision. I did allow my mom to take him and pick him up from rehab. I tried to reason with Josh and explain to him why we were so worried about him. I tried to explain to him how much we loved him. I made it clear to Josh, no one would know he was in rehab. He was rarely around in the summer, and now would be no exception. He agreed with me about now being a good time to go. Josh agreeing with me should have starting ringing thousands of alarms in my head. I missed the alarms! Turns out, I also made the biggest mistake of my life by taking Josh to Bradford for help. It wasn't my first choice then, but it was where out insurance covered treatment. If only I could've predicted the future.....
Once again, I'm not sharing my story to air all of our dirty laundry. I'm not sharing our story to get attention or sympathy. I'm sharing my / our story to bring awareness to mental illness and stop the stigma associated with it.
According to the American Psychiatric Association, Substance use disorder (SUD) is a complex condition in which there is uncontrolled use of a substance despite harmful consequences. People with SUD have an intense focus on using a certain substance(s) such as alcohol, tobacco, or illicit drugs, to the point where the person’s ability to function in day-to-day life becomes impaired. People keep using the substance even when they know it is causing or will cause problems. The most severe SUDs are sometimes called addictions.
The definition from Oxford Language for addiction is the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance, thing, or activity.
*Of note - the definition of addiction is not limited to substances. For example: gambling addiction, shopping addiction, sex addiction, etc.
Per verywellmind.com, the symptoms of addiction are:
An inability to stop
Changes in mood, appetite, and sleep
Continuing despite negative consequences
Denial
Engaging in risky behaviors
Feeling preoccupied with the substance or behavior
Legal and financial problems
Losing interest in other things you used to enjoy
Putting the substance or behavior ahead of other parts of life including family, work, and other responsibilities
Secrecy
Using increasingly larger amounts of a substance
Taking more of the substance than you intended
Withdrawal symptoms
I was of the phone tonight with one of my best friends. We were discussing mental illness and active addiction. She told me she believes everyone is addicted to something. She admitted, she is addicted to cigarettes. Anyone who knows me well, knows I am addicted to shopping. As I was doing my research for this blog, I seriously considered her statement. I know addiction doesn't discriminate. I have several friends who are in recovery from substance abuse and alcoholism. I have family members who are in active drug addiction, as well as recovery. I have friends with children who are both in active drug addiction and in recovery. My friend and I both have boys with an addiction. For those of you who might be thinking it'll never happen to you or your family, YOU ARE WRONG!
Please familiarize yourself with the symptoms of addiction, not only for the youth and teens in your life; but for all of your loved ones. The drug epidemic is rampant and knows no boundaries. Be especially cognizant to watch for concurrent mental illness and addiction symptoms. It is thought that approximately half of those with mental illness will also have a substance abuse issue. The thought process behind this is the substance of choice helps the mentally ill escape temporarily from their mental illness. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), drug addiction is classified as a mental illness because addiction changes the brain in fundamental ways, disturbing a person's normal hierarchy of needs and desires, and substituting new priorities connected with procuring and using drugs.
Alabama Teen Drug Statistics 2021
26,000 or 6.99% of 12- to 17-year-olds report using drugs in the last month.
Among them, 84.62% report using marijuana in the last month.
9.68% of all teens report using marijuana in the last year.
0.27% report using cocaine.
0.27% report using methamphetamines.
Up to 0.13% used heroin (data is limited).
4.03% report misusing pain relievers.
8.33% of all 12- to 17-year-olds used alcohol in the last month.
They’re 8.93% less likely to use alcohol than the average American in their age group.
152,000 adults aged 18- to 25-years-old used drugs in the last month.
18- to 25-year-olds are 14.50% less likely to use drugs than the average American in the same age group.
2.42% of teenagers aged 12- to 17-years-old met the criteria for illicit drug use disorder in the last year.
1.61% of teenagers aged 12- to 17-years-old met the criteria for alcohol use disorder in the last year.
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